i don’t think i can be anyone’s girlfriend, but i want to be yours. is that weird? i want to know what it feels like. curled up against you in the backseat of your car. the romantic pulse i feel for you beats low & smooth, easy under the flesh-and-meat of my body and all the other things that are encompassed by being a human. the hum of a future i never believed in, the dreams i never thought i’d get to have in real life. more than anything i want to smoke cigarettes with you at a bus stop. i want to make you tea and watch you smile as you sip it. i want to watch you do your makeup until your routines are so familiar to me that i could do it for you. not that i’d ever be that brave; you can bet my hands would shake so much i’d only ever smudge your mascara and wing your eyeliner wrong. what i’m trying to say is, romance, real and true romance, is fleeting for me. comes and goes like a bullet train. but you? i’ve always been in love with you, just a little. under the surface where it doesn’t hurt. like the ocean, always there but so far from me. if i walked into the centre of it, it would swallow me whole. i don’t mind as much as you would expect me to.
blackbirds in my lungs. 